Nobody Built Like You, You designed yourself.
Sometimes you need to remind yourself…
I’ve finally had a chance to take a break. Y’all may not have noticed, but 2018 is the first year since I moved to Kenya that I haven’t disappeared on a crazy cross continental vacation. There are reasons for this, suffice it say that when you get busy, you get busy. I managed to visit the family in London and Amsterdam, came back for one day and then headed to Dubai. All things being equal, I hope to get to Ghana by the end of the year as well. Gotta use up my leave days!
Seriously though, I needed this break – for more than one reason. Lately life feels like it’s been dark and the skies have been cloudy. I’ve been soul searching and really thinking about my life here in the 254 and whether or not it all still fits. The unexamined life isn’t worth living and when you start to analyse your life, you look at everything, home, work, friends – EVERYTHING.
If you know me, you know I give 100 percent to anything I believe in. I’m that guy who once I’ve bought into project, once I believe in it, I immerse myself in it totally. I am an “all in” kind of person and sometimes this gets me into trouble, but it’s who I am. When I believe in something, I want EVERYONE involved to win because I plan to win as well.
But like everyone, I have my insecurities and recently I’ve been feeling like something just ain’t right. I’ve felt “a disturbance in the force” (Star Wars analogy) and I have been questioning whether the things I do everyday actually still serve my purpose. I wonder whether there is still respect for what I bring to the table. I’ve really had to ask myself whether I am suffocating my passion in dreams that have moved in a direction that won’t bring satisfaction. It’s a really weird space to be in and to be honest, it’s kinda new for me.
So I went to London and I walked the streets of Brixton, where I made my name, where G Money was created. Charlamagne The God, In his book “Black Privilege” says that sometimes when you are unsure, you need to go back to where it all began and for me, thats Brixton, South London. As I walked around, I felt the fog lifting. First of all I walked into my old barbershop and bumped into a couple of people who knew me from back in the day. While getting my haircut – Jimmy (the neighbourhood barbershop philosopher) recounted numerous stories of how much stuff I got into back in the day. He spoke about the parties I’d thrown, Bassline FM and so many other things. It was a trip down memory lane and it made me retrace the steps that got me to where I am. While walking back to Tube (Subway) station I ran into so many people and everyone was eager to hear what I’d been up to and where I had disappeared to. Everywhere I went that day, people reminded me of the passion I’ve brought to everything that I have done and constantly told me “we are proud of you” – I don’t need anyone’s validation, but that shit felt good, because it came from a real place and from real people, people who knew my journey, had walked some of it with me and were proud of where it had taken me
Earlier That day, I had passed by 1Xtra to say hello to some old friends. I told DJ Ace that I was coming through, he was gassed and put me straight on air! It was a crazy interview. Listen below
When I listen back to that interview, I hear the G Money that loves radio, that is 100% in his element and and is clear about where he is, who he is and what he needs to do. I heard G Money, sitting at a table that he deserved to be at, I heard a G Money that had put in the work, reaped the benefits and was truly living in the present. Man, THAT G Money spoke to me, it was one of those surreal moments when you have a conversation with yourself and you don’t even realise it. I LOVE THAT G Money. We chopped it up and ended the conversation with a Jay Z quote and a new vision for the way forward.
“Hov, remind yourself: Nobody built like you, you designed yourself!”
I did it, all of it, all of me. Designed, built, crafted. Me I created all of it and I need to give myself credit for that. My career isn’t an accident and fuck anyone who thinks it is.
And just like that, the skies cleared.